| and i hope that i'm not revealing too much... |
[21 Nov 2006|08:27pm] |
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The honorary title: revealing too much |
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So. I had the most amazing weekend. One of the best in a very long time. It was definitely what I have been needing.
To start it off Thursday Night I went to Farmer's with the ladies:Niki, Kim, Marisa, and Megan. I had some crepes and they were pretty good I mean not Crepe's A-Go-GO status, but walnut creek is a ways away. Then we kidnapped our friend brian because he was feeling down and we dragged him and his roommate Brenton back to our place to watch greys. It was a lot of fun even though we didn't really cheer him up, I think he appreciated the thought. Megan and I got to talk to Brenton which is nice because up until recently he's been overly quiet lol.
Friday I had class all day boo, but I came home to the exciting news of salsa dancing. Well the news was that we were going shopping for hawt dresses actually. Marisa and I picked up Megan and bought some stellar dresses and then I went back and showered and got ready. I went over the the AGO house to be apart of my favorite Big bro's birthday Dinner. It was good to see him happy and enjoying himself. The food was good but as usual I was a little left out. (Hopefully I am working that out a little.) Then I went back to my casa and got pampered with the ladies and went to pick up my lab partner Tommy and Brenton and Gordon. We went salsa dancing and seriously had the time of our lives. Then after we went to visit Chris in the dorms and hung out for awhile, then picked up kim and got food at jack, boy has it been awhile since late night jack... i'm pretty sure the last time I went was with annie and jeff and joe brown. :) That was also good times... anyways. We stayed up watching grey's again and hanging out... did a lil foot soak and went to bed around 3:30.
Saturday morning at 6:30 people came to my house to start cooking for the pledge breakfast. We kidnapped them and had a lot of fun. I went back to sleep for a couple hours, had a bodyshop party with Nicole Kim and Marisa, and speedily got ready for thanksgiving dinner. That's right saturday nite Dickory picked me up and we grabbed a couple more AGO boys and went down to santa barbera for din din with the ADX and AGO chapters there. There was much needed good music on the way down!!I really wanted to go see Mary but there was a lack of time :( mer. But we had an awesome dinner and I got to meet some new people and hear about how ADX converted from LSM and it was very encouraging. Then we had a candle-light thanking time. It really made me happy. Then we left, visited the AGO house there to get a quick tour and went off to Chumash to play some hold'em. It was me, dickory, linds and astro. IT was so much fun expcially since we were still all dressed up and everyone was looking at us. Some lady asked me if I was pregnant, and then had a convo with Astro's shoes... I lost 30 bucks but it was well worth it. Then we drove home and went ot denny's at like 3:30AM. IT was awesome.
My weekend was really awesome and now I get to go home and see some people thatI haven't seen all quarter! Seeing the fam will be nice. God really pulled through for me recently this weekend made a huge difference. I love you all.
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| and I wonder... |
[12 Nov 2006|08:40pm] |
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Foo fighters - everlong |
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I think it has been way too long since I last updated my livejournal. I'm pretty sure nobody even reads it anymore, but I really don't care. It's my journal so really its just for me. Maybe I should start writing in it more.
It's my second year of college and it is far different than my first. Yeah I know everyone says that but they all say it because they aren't eating dorm food, living on campus having a million friends to hang out with who always drop by, and now, for the first time in their lives, are cooking for themselves. That is if easy mac and cup-o-noodles are considered cooking. (If this is you don't worry I'm not judging you). College is different this year because I am in a much different place. Some of it is good and some not.
I've become distant from a lot of people. Pretty much anyone that I dont see on a regular basis. It's pathetic and completely my own fault, but I don't know why I am doing it. And even though I really want to change, I have a really difficult time doing it.
I've gotten closer with a few people though. I talk to my roommate Niki a lot. And Dickory too. And Scott.
Whats weird about building new relationships is that no matter how much I hang out with people I still dont feel like they know me. I mean, certain people back home know me sooo much and even though we don't often, I still feel like when I see them that they know me more than anyone else. I feel like I could go a year without seeing annie and she would still know me better than anyone else. (Even though I could NEVER go a year without seeing Annie). I feel like people can't really know me unless the know about everything thats ever happened to me, my past. I feel like people can't understand me since they didn't see me struggle with my mom's death. I feel like they can't possibly grasp the idea that I still struggle with it DAILY because they can't possibly understand that relationship that she and I had sp how can they possibly understand how much I effing miss her? I feel like I can't let go of the way things used to be and when I go home I'm surprised every time that things aren't the same. I feel like when I am here time should stop everywhere else so I won't miss out on things anymore.
I don't feel like I am building new memories here. I mean I know that I am, but when I go home I don't feel like i have new exciting stories to share. Don't get me wrong. I am glad that I came here. I love it in SLO and I love the people and new friendships, but I dunno.
I feel like everyone has so much crap in their lives that it's never my turn to talk about my crap, and the truth is I don't want to talk about my crap. I don't even want to think about it. I want to focus on being happy and not worrying about crap that I can't control.
apparently livejournal now limits my size of entries. I guess the rest will have to wait...
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| A! Mexico! Trip! |
[10 Aug 2006|04:31pm] |
Labor Day Blues Got You Down?! Come to Mexico For the Weekend. Scott and I are Planning a Missions Trip down to Tijuana to help build a house and we need your help!
If you are interested, email me, drop me a note, call me, call Kellie, don't sit there!
Don't worry about money, but the more people that come, the less it will cost!
We are going down Saturday morning, building on Saturday, Building on Sunday, coming back to San Diego mid-day on Monday.
If you need a place to stay, don't worry, I know of three families that would be willing to let you crash.
So Don't Sit there! Let's Go! Call me!
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| This is gonna be a doozy... |
[03 Jul 2006|12:47pm] |
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Honorary title |
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About 8 months ago, my best friend challenged me to define myself. Not to do it through the people I hang out with, the guys that I've dated, or the jobs that I've held, but solely define myself through me. As we age we learn more and more about ourselves, and I guess since coming to college I have been trying to define myself as I was wisely advised. The problem is, it's easy to be one person when you are away at college and a completely different person when you re back at home. The hard part is being the same person in both places, and hopefully that is how you can truly define yourself.
I have spent most of my life putting all of my happiness in other people. If you knew me at all when I was a young'n in elementary school, or if we are close enough now that you know this, my family life wasn't so hot. My sister was rebelling against my mom, my dad was drinking too much, and my brother was never home. I spent as much time away from the house as possible. It was my way of denying that things weren't so good. I slept at Mary's house probably every weekend, and sometimes during the week too if things were really bad. I eventually found a youth group and pastor that I came to love, and they adopted me as a part of the family. Unfortunately, my youth pastor soon left, and the youth group kinda fell apart. By now my sister was out of the house and my brother was now causing some problems. Luckily I was playing sports year round so I again didnt have to deal with them. I had my volleyball team to make me feel better and be my new home away from home. I started dating peter and got extremely close to my mom. If anything was going wrong I could go to either of them. Well soon enough my mother got cancer and passed away, the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with and that was only the beginning of illness in the family, we are still having problems. Soon after that peter and I broke up and I again tried o find myself. Annie was there for my and she took me under her wing as she always does. She let me open up to her and helped me to be strong. That is a friendship that can never be replaced. To be honest, Annie Sabrina and Mary are my sisters, they always have been and they always will be. I spent the summer after senior year experimenting with alcohol and cloves. Making new friends and having new experiences. But summer soon ended and we all went our separate ways. Except for Annie. Even though we weren't at the same school we talked on the phone at least 3 or 4 times a day, it wasn't as good as being together, but it worked. We kept each other sane in this new experience. I hung o9ut with Biggy almost ever nite and started to like college. Soon I met Scott, and he introduced me to my roomates, yes you read that right. I finally was able to connect with my roomates and form awesome friendships while meeting new and different people as well. I was able to go home and see annie too. We even got to get our start tats, one of the true symbols of our friendship; non-eraseable and forever. Even at this point I still hadn't really defined myself. I was one person in SLO and another at home. After all of this I was back to where I started... nowhere. But through all of these experiences I can finally introduce myself to those of you who don't really know me.
Here goes nothing.
by the way this is in no particular order...
I love my family. My Dad and I have never been closer since I went away to college and my brother and i as well. I am doing my best to send emails to family on lil updates though I am not very good at keeping that up. I go home when I can but find it hard to juggle time between family and friends, another thing that i probably need some work on. I love Scott. We can both be five year olds together and make lame jokes and be dorky, but also be compassionate and loving. I love my friends, though I havent been a good friend lately. I have found it hard to juggle keeping in touch with people and class and other things. Mainly I have let them down. Especially Annie. I'm sure I have hurt her so much and I am so sorry for that. I am only human, but I do love you and you will always be my sister. I want you to know that. I am sorry to mary and sabrina too. I will work on it, and I am not just saying that like I have before. I love the people in my life. Matt, it's sad that we live so close and talk so little. You know that next year will be better and we will make more time, don't feel guilty. There are many more people to list, but I don't want to make this a competition of who makes the cut, because that is not its purpose.
I don't know what this entry is, I don't know where it is supposed to end or where it really began, but I am gunna keep going because my hands are still typing.
I am a Christian. I love God, and I want to be a good daughter to him. Though I am sure that a few people will laugh when they read that, but I am living my life for him, putting my faith and my trust in him, and doing my best to do what he wants me to. He has already done some amazing things for me. I don't drink anymore. This was my decision and not the decision of anyone else. I made this decision because God doesnt want me to be that person, and I want what he wants for me. I am not trying to hide the fact that I did drink by erasing the evidence, I am simply avoiding misconceptions of who I am now.
I am a dork. I love to be random and abnormal. I love to read. I love to make people laugh and be totally sarcastic, as well as have moments where I completely honest and broken. I want to be there for all of the people in my life. I don't really know what else to say. I've grown up and faced reality, kinda been forced to at times. I'm not judging anyone else for their decisions, putting anyone down or anything along those lines. I am simply being me. And that is all that i can really do.
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| you turn every head but you dont see me... |
[02 Jan 2006|08:23pm] |
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avril |
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Christmas break.
I went to SD and had a good time
I took the train back and wanted to kill myself
I got mono, which was lame, im not gunna lie
I didnt really get to spend time with anyone and those who I did get to see I didnt get enough time with.
I spent Christmas alone in my room.
But fortunately I got to spend new years with my friends.
Break was kinda weird im not gunna lie.
( andrea... )
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